Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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