if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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