Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
