Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Randomize
