Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
