I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
