Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
