i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
