why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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