I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
