What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
