did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
