Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
