we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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