don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
