She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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