wrigley field is MILF paradise
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
