I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
