I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
