I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
