I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
