should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
