The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
