it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Randomize
