I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
