Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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