just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
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If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
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Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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