Welp...herpes.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
