We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
