If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
