if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
