New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
third nipple confirmed
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
