She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
