The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
