Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
