It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
