her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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