I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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