I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
as a side note pls kill me
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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