The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
