Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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