hotel room ftw
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
