her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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