it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
