come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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