She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I think my moral compass just broke
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
