you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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