bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
