the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
