I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
