We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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