nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
