i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize