I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
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