I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
