My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
