He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
