Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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