Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
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I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
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There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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