I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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