literally had 100 drinks last night.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
