im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
she smelled like a LAN party
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
