I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
