He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
