I have demons in me.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
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